While I suspect I have manouvered my way to the end of this philosophical minefield I can’t help feeling an aching regret that it has come to the point where I must consider questions such as this. It’s not that my tastes have devolved to a point where they find this diet pleasing, neither is it that to improve my diet would take me beyond my means. What, therefore, is the reason for this outragous disregard for my health and digestive tract?

Like a dog with it’s nose pressed to the back of my knee the unpleasent realisation is slowly coming to my attention that I am already taking up the habits of my newfound peers. This is a worrying turn of events; if it continues I will surely end up sustaining myself on brackish pond water and the mildew from my bathroom tiles.

So what of the original question? The conclusion I have reached is thus:

You possibly can live on lager and beans alone, but when your room is no bigger that the average shoebox you will soon wish that you didn’t.

They are all around me, their harsh braying calls echoing around the room while the stench of fear and shame and poverty is all-pervading. Soon I will be overcome, I will be one of them, but for now I retain my sense of discipline. I will not go without a fight and while i have an ounce of strength I will not submit.

Some would say that I am a jaded, sadistic misanthrope; they may even be correct in that judgement. Know this: no curse nor slur will ever plumb the depths of moral depravity implicit in the title of student, and I will wear my badge of misanhropy with pride while it still holds the power to keep me pure from their taint.

The album is nearing completion. The fabled beast, rumoured to exist as early as 2007, has now had a confirmed sighting. 13 tracks of mayhem and malice, wrapped in a blanket of alcohol and midget porn. I could weep with the joy of it all if my heart wasn’t a shriveled, blackened stone on a piece of string.

If you haven’t already abandoned these pages, assuming that they were as dead as my sense of self-worth, take hope from these words: we are still here, we haven’t forgotten you and very soon we are going to ROCK YOUR WORLD.

Through the wonders of t’interweb you have the capability to leave comments on any of these posts. The first 3 people to comment on this post will receive proof of our deeds in the form of an mp3 of an unreleased track.

High five.

In other news, I fully recommend pimms + lemonade in a can - it lends a sense of class to any tourbus situation.